The Meaning of Life (Chapter 7): Meaning and Happiness

Meaning and Happiness

So, if you’re still reading this I have to assume that you are at least not dismissing out of hand the thesis I am putting forward, namely, that neither science nor religion nor philosophy can provide you with a “pre-packaged” meaning in life and that life per se is apparently meaningless, but that we can and should impose meaning on our own individual lives.

But if we do (impose meaning on our own life) will that make us happy? – because, surely, the goal of everyone is to be happy.

Instead of asking people I meet, “How are you?”, I have an annoying habit of asking them, “Are you happy?” If someone replies that the question is meaningless, I take that as a “No”. Similarly, people who have to think about the question for a while are definitely in the “Probably Not” category. People who are happy are usually aware of the fact. I asked one of my nieces last week: “Are you happy?”. She answered immediately: “Very. For the first time in my life I know who I am and I like that person”. Now there’s a “Yes”!

So what is the relationship between meaning in your life and being happy?

Frankl has the answer:

He agrees that we all want to be happy but he says that the pursuit of happiness directly is self-defeating. Happiness cannot be pursued – the American constitution notwithstanding! – it must ensue. Happiness, he says, ensues when we have meaning in our lives. To quote Frankl, happiness ensues “…as the unintended side-effect of one’s dedication to a cause greater than oneself or as the by-product of one’s surrender to a person other than oneself…”.

He says that the only way you can find happiness is to first find a reason to be happy, e.g., loving another person (experiential value) or doing something good (creative value). Having found a reason to be happy, happiness ensues.

Frankl says that the reason why Freud’s so-called Pleasure Principle (“the will to pleasure”) makes no sense is because the more one aims at pleasure, the more his aim is missed. To quote Frankl: “To the extent one makes happiness the object of his motivation, he necessarily makes it the object of his attention. But precisely by so doing he loses sight of the reason for happiness, and happiness itself must fade away.” He goes further and says that this self-defeating quality of pleasure-seeking accounts for “….many sexual neuroses because both orgasm and potency are impaired by being made the target of intention” (that is, trying to reach orgasm impairs reaching orgasm in the same way that trying to fall asleep keeps you awake).

As if to prove Frankl’s point, on Oprah today there was a guy who had tickets to last year’s Chicago White Sox World Series (pleasure) but when he heard about the Hurricane Katrina disaster in New Orleans, he organized a drive for donations in his Chicago area, sold the World Series tickets on eBay and used the money raised from the sale of the tickets to drive to New Orleans with all the stuff that he had collected (meaning). He claims to have no regrets. He says he was happier than he would have been at the baseball games.

So where does that leave me? Remember in the preface I wrote: “…my search for meaning in life continues and writing this tract may contribute to that search”.

Did it?

Writing this has made things much clearer. I guess it confirms what I already strongly suspected – that life means whatever we decide it means. What surprised me, however, was the amazing consensus reached by so many great writers: That Love and Work are the meaning of life for most people. Just look at the Quotations chapter. See how many quote love and work as the meaning of life. Remember Freud’s answer to the question: What should a normal person be able to do well? Freud said: “Lieben und arbeiten” (to love and to work). Remember Viktor Frankl’s advice on where to find meaning: Experiential Values (Love) and Creative Values (Work). Look at the Addison quote: “three grand essentials: something to do (creative value), something to love (experiential value), and something to hope for (attitudinal value, viz., hopefulness).”

As for myself, I am happy because my life has meaning and my life has meaning because of (1) my love for Anne as well as for many family members and friends and (2) my work – which includes writing – even writing this pamphlet, my teaching at the university, even my cooking. And I look forward to many things – a month in France, writing fiction, another grandchild.

But I must admit that my knees still shake and I feel weak when I contemplate disappearing suddenly from the face of the earth, unaware that I ever lived, to survive only in the memory of people who knew me. It is not enough.